Our belief system is just like a mirror that only shows us what we believe.
Don Miguel Ruiz
That made me ponder belief systems. What are my beliefs and are they right? Or do they only appear right because my belief system is just reflecting back to me what I already believe? If I believed something else, would my life be better? Or would it be worse?
If you have been following me you know I am in a series about Limiting Beliefs. If you are new, you can read past posts
Today, I want to take a step back and look at beliefs. Where are they, where did they come from and how do change the ones we might want to?
Where do Beliefs come from?
We learn beliefs as children from our parents and the culture we grew up in. What is acceptable and what is not. We learn our place is in society and what is good and what is bad. We learn if the world is a safe place or a scary place. Can rely on people or if we need to rely only on ourselves.
These family and cultural beliefs are so foundational that we don’t even realize that they are beliefs. We tend to think that this is just the way the world is. Because we don’t realize that these are actually beliefs. . . We don’t stop to consider if those ways are still serving us. Are there better ways to respond? Are there better ways to live?
Then, let’s add in trauma
How Trauma affects beliefs
I define trauma as anything that happens that you are physically, mentally, or emotionally unprepared for. Anytime there is more coming at you than you can cope with has the potential to traumatize you. Young children are especially vulnerable because they are still forming their beliefs about the world. Overwhelming events can cause them to make decisions about the world that range from completely untrue to not ideal. These decisions become limiting beliefs.
How do we know if we have limiting beliefs?
So if beliefs are so foundational that we don’t really know they exist, how do we know if we have limiting beliefs? We have to look for clues. For example, if we have a task to do and suddenly be begin to feel:
anxious or nauseous,
tightness in our chest or
other physical symptoms
That is probably our subconscious mind acting on a limiting belief to keep you where are. You see, to your subconscious mind, staying where you are is safe. It is comfortable. It is a known situation. Taking action on the task ahead of you will take you to a place that your logical mind is wanting (a job promotion, a love relationship, or ???) your subconscious is not comfortable and will try and stop you.
Other techniques my subconscious mind uses are:
distraction,
daydreaming or
a flood of new ideas of things I can do.
I am a planner so planning or dreaming about what I want to do is safe for my subconscious. However, taking action will often cause physical symptoms, mind looping, or urgency around other things that need to be done.
Another way to identify and remove limiting beliefs is to participate in my program
This is recorded session that is available on-demand. For more information, click here,
I will lead you through a memory exercise that will give you clarity on a limiting belief and start you on the way to choosing a better belief.
Using Affirmations to Overcome Limiting Beliefs
Affirmations are powerful statements. We believe what hear ourselves say. If Is “I am so stupid” then my subconscious mind believes it because I said it. I am a truthful person therefore what I say is the truth.
But is it the truth? Probably not. You might occasionally make a mistake but you are not stupid!
So this is how affirmations work: If I say “I am smart. I can figure this out! If someone else had done this then I can to.” If this is the first time saying something like this to yourself then it can feel weird. Your subconscious mind says “Woah, that’s not what you said before.” If you keep repeating it, eventually your subconscious mind will believe it. Over time, your subconscious mind will start to cause you to act in accordance with this new belief. This is when life gets easier and begins to flow a bit more. It does take some time and repetition. But affirmations are a powerful way to retrain your subconscious mind.
Look through the following affirmations and choose one or two that speak to your heart. Write them down and read them aloud or to yourself in the morning and before bed. You can also use the list to spark ideas on crafting your own affirmation.
30 Affirmations to Overcome Limiting Beliefs
I am so happy and grateful for the life I have.
I am worthy
I am dependable and resourceful.
I am unique
I am grateful for all that I have and will accomplish.
I am so happy and grateful that all is working out in my favor.
I am healthy
I am a priority
I am courageous
I am so grateful for all the people that I have in my life.
I am worth it
I am a positive person who attracts positive situations for success.
I am exquisite
I am prepared to take advantage of the great opportunities presented to me.
I am powerful
I am able to accomplish anything I focus on.
I am so grateful for my healthy mind that has the ability to heal itself, with my assistance.
I am unforgettable
I am so grateful for this loving, beautiful, healthy body I have; that continues to get stronger every day.
I am strong
I am happy and content with my life now, while I’m striving for more.
I am joy
I am thankful for all the opportunities I have on a daily basis.
I am loveable
I am beautiful
I am blessed beyond measures.
I am so grateful for the work I do now and the opportunity that it provides.
I am amazing
I am smart
I am grateful for my strength that pushes me towards a better tomorrow.
I hope you found this list of 30 Affirmations to Overcome Limiting Beliefs helpful. I hope you will consider joining me for my Getting Our of My Own Way: Overcoming Limiting Beliefs Session.
Wherever you are in your journey, I hope you are treating yourself with grace and empathy. This is hard work! Being willing to start the journey is worthy of celebration!
Distractions are flowing into my mind. Other things I need to be doing. Other things I could be doing. “Let me just take care of this one thing before I forget” whispers the voice in my head. And I really want to eat something.
And this is on a good day!
On a bad day, I will feel nauseous, dizzy, or have a headache. I will have a weird pain in my leg or back show up. Did I mention that I want to eat everything?
So what is going on with me and with my body?
I am pushing up against my subconscious mind’s idea of safety
My logical mind and my heart really want to make this blog a reality and a success. I want to impact people and encourage them to live their best life. I want to make a difference in the world.
But . . .
My subconscious mind is trying to keep me safe.
You see I was bullied in school and it was better to not be seen or noticed.
I developed into a perfectionist that didn’t finish projects. I went from a confident little girl who was going to conquer the world to a grown woman who is struggling to put words on a page.
And …
I am in this weird place of doing enough work on my limiting beliefs that I know in my head these are limiting beliefs. They are not TRUTH. And feeling in my body the reality of these beliefs, that they are still active and driving the bus. I am in this surreal place of feeling what I am feeling …and experiencing what I am experiencing ….while at the same time watching myself in a detached, external way and thinking “Well, isn’t that interesting?”
So, let’s take a step back and look at what is going on here
First of all what are limiting beliefs?
Limiting beliefs are beliefs or decisions that we make that become ingrained in us. So ingrained that we are no longer aware of the decision or belief. It can manifest as
This is the way I am
This is the way the world is
This is the way things have always been
If we dig down into these statements, they rely on foundational beliefs and decisions. When we are babies we are learning and trying to make sense of this world around us. We take in information and believe it as truth and identify what normal is. This gathering of information and decision-making continues as we grow; adding layers and layers. Our brains hardwire in certain behaviors and habits. These behaviors and habits become subconscious, without our active, thinking brain being involved.
Communication between our conscious mind and our subconscious mind is a two-way street. Every time you have an idea, or an emotion, a memory, or an image from the past — this is the subconscious mind communicating to your conscious mind.
What do we do about Limiting Beliefs?
Well, we have three options:
· We can give up, eat a cookie and say that is just the way I am
· We can power through, grind it out, grit our teeth, beat ourselves up and make ourselves do it
· We can Identify and try and clear the beliefs. Often just being aware of the beliefs is enough to dispel them. Limiting Belief Session is really powerful ……
Now the good news here is that you have a choice. You get to choose the action you want to take. Sometimes, we are not ready to jump in and do the hard work. That is ok. I would encourage you to honor where you are at. You are ok JUST as you are and I love you no matter the choice you make.
However, if you are ready to jump into option #3. And you want to start to remove these pesky limiting beliefs from your life -read on!
How do you clear limiting beliefs?
The basic process to clear limiting beliefs is to
Identify the limiting belief
Replace the old belief with new beliefs that better serve you
Anchor new beliefs with Affirmations
Manage your emotions and reactions
Sometimes, you will need to take action anyway
So the first step is to Identify the Limiting Belief. The best way I have found to Identify the limiting belief and begin to replace the belief at the same time is through my program
This is a recorded session that is available on-demand. Click here for more information
In these sessions, we do a relaxation exercise, followed by a memory exercise that brings clarity about why we act the way we do. This clarity allows us to make informed decisions about how we want to show up in our lives. It allows us to make fast and easy changes in our lives without the struggle of fighting ourselves.
This is such a powerful exercise, and I am so glad to be able to share it with you. I am so excited about the breakthroughs that my clients are getting. I want these changes to be available to you. Did I mention that it is FREE through August So sign up for it here
Anchoring New Beliefs
So the best way to anchor new beliefs is with affirmations. Affirmations are positive statements that start with the words “I am”. “I am” statements are so important because shape and maintain our self-identity. For most of us, the voice in our heads is negative. “I am so ______ (fill in the black with your self-defeating term of choice).
With affirmations, we use the same technique but we use it to build ourselves up. In my case of not wanting to be seen, I can use the affirmation: “ I am lovable. It is safe to speak up.” I then write my affirmation on a notecard. I then say it out loud to myself in the morning right before I get up and then again right before I go to bed. It can feel weird at first. It is so totally worth it to help eliminate the limiting belief, keeping me from the life I want to live!
Managing our Emotions and Reactions
So, let’s get real. Participating in my program is not going to magically make all your limiting beliefs just disappear. I WISH I had that much power and skill!
Anytime you do this inner work, your subconscious is going to try to keep you safe. It is going to try to keep you where you have always been. Emotions and reactions are going to come up. From my experience with limiting beliefs, I have found the best thing to do is to sit with those emotions or actions.
Notice them.
Scan your body and see where they are sitting.
Are you feeling pain or discomfort anywhere in your body?
As a general habit, we tend to ignore what is going on in our bodies. We tend to push away any unpleasant emotions. This pushing away tends to increase the intensity of the feeling. This can create secondary problems such as emotional eating. What I would like you to do is sit with the emotion. Feel the emotion in its intensity. Welcome it and don’t judge it. Sounds weird, I know. But what I have found, is that if you do this process the emotion will shift and move in your body. Eventually, the intensity of the emotion will become less and overall, more manageable.
Deep breathing and meditation can also help to eliminate any lingering emotional residue. Now the emotion might not go entirely away but it should be better.
That leads us to the last step:
Live outside your comfort zone – motivational handwriting in black ink on an isolated sticky note
Take Action Anyway
Whatever we are feeling, we need to take appropriate action. I find that if I just buckle down and get started; that the physical symptoms fade and eventually disappear. I tell myself, “I am just going to get started on this for 15 minutes (or 5 minutes). And then I can take a break and work on something else.” What I find is that once I get started, I can get past the physical and emotional hurdles and tap into my why. Once I can remember that WHY the task gets immensely easier.
And if I am still struggling at the end of the time I set, then I stop and consider the situation. Bumping up to the edge of our comfort zone is difficult. It drains our energy and increases our stress response. We need to realize that we cannot stress ourselves to success. At times like this we may need to take a walk, do some self-care, get a snack and if possible, return to the task to be done.
I have found that what doesn’t work is giving in to the fear and feelings. If I give in and procrastinate or if I allow myself to get distracted, when I do come back the fear and feelings are stronger and the block is bigger. I find that moving forward and tackling a little is the best way to keep the fear and feeling manageable.
If you are having these feelings and physical symptoms then this means that you probably have more work to do on your limiting beliefs. I invite you to participate in (or in another) Overcoming Limiting Belief Session. These sessions will allow you to identify your limiting beliefs and begin the process of overcoming them. You can sign up HERE
One of my favorite Jack Canfield quote is:
Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone.
It is wasn’t you would already have it!
So, join me in the journey of pushing the boundaries of our comfort zones so that we can live the life of our dreams!
It also affects your understanding of how the world works. These distortions can create a cage of belief preventing you from reaching your goals, dreams, and potential.
They create a comfort zone that is almost impossible to get out of unless one of two things happen. The first is a life-changing event that just so happens to bust these beliefs. This could be a death of a loved one, cancer or serious illness, divorce, or other life-altering events. The other way this change occurs is through self-development. This is the active, intentional practice to try and make life better for yourself. It can come in the form of books, blog posts, seminars, or coaching/counseling. It can also come from conversations with friends where old ideas are challenged, and new ideas are considered. This work can also be called Shadow Work, Inner Child, and a variety of other names. It can include techniques like
meditation,
tapping,
counseling
NLP,
hypnotism,
affirmations, and
prayer.
Regardless of what you call it or the tools you use, the basic outcome is of seeing the world differently and letting go of beliefs that no longer serve you.
A great way to identify your limiting beliefs are and learn to change them is to participate in my live Limiting Beliefs Program
This is a recorded session that is available on demand. Click here to learn more.
In these sessions, we do a relaxation exercise. Then notice the feelings/pain/discomfort in our bodies. We then remember back to the first time we remember this feeling and it often brings up an event from our early childhood. We then go through some processes to explore and release any decisions made at that time. The outcome is clarity about why we act the way we do. This clarity allows us to make informed decisions about how we want to show up in our lives. It allows us to make fast and easy changes in our lives without the struggle of fighting ourselves.
This is such a powerful exercise, and I am so glad to be able to share it with you. I am so excited about the breakthroughs that my clients are getting and the changes that will be available to you.
Types of Limiting Beliefs
Self-Image/ Overall Beliefs
Our beliefs about who we are powerful beliefs that often set in our childhood. If we listen to the voice in our heads, we can often identify some of these beliefs. The tone of our self-talk usually mimics how our parents talked to us. Repeating those words and those tones works to keep us trapped in our current circumstances. Some limiting Beliefs about Self Image are:
I am so stupid
Why do I always say the wrong things?
I am not enough.
I have to be perfect.
It is not safe to be seen or heard.
I am perfect and do not need to change.
I do not have the time to work on myself.
Money:
Money is often an area where we have tangled beliefs. Between the influences of
Our birth families,
Peer pressure- Keeping up with the Jones (whoever they are),
Advertising confirming that we are not enough, we don’t have enough, and that happiness is outside ourselves?
Is it any wonder we mixed up about money? Here are some of the more common limiting beliefs about money:
Rich people are bad people.
There is never enough.
You only live once, sacrifice today for a better tomorrow.
You only live once, spend money today.
Work:
The way that you look at work affects the way you show up. Do you see it as a life-sucking obligation, or do you see it as your opportunity to serve mankind and change the world? Your view will make a huge impact on how you experience it. In this case, the journey matters a lot more than the destination, especially since it consumes so much of our waking hours. Change the way you look at work, and you could be enjoying work more than you have before!
Here are some common limiting beliefs about work:
I will never get my dream job.
It’s impossible to make money doing what you love.
My opinion isn’t important. No one listens to me.
What I do is too hard.
All the good-paying and jobs worth doing are all taken.
Relationships:
We, humans, are creatures of habit. We eat the same things. We go to the same places. We pick the same (type) of people to spend our time with. I have friends who have been married multiple times. But, each time they choose the same type of person and end up having the same type of issues. We make our choices in the area of relationships based mostly on emotion. Or worse if we ignore emotion and make a solely logical choice we can end up in an even worse place. Looking at our limiting beliefs can be a way out of this crazy looping. And into a relationship that is both emotionally fulfilling as well as safe, nurturing, and stable. Here are some common limiting beliefs about relationships.
I will never find love.
My family is always trying to keep me down.
No one wants me.
Putting yourself out there only results in getting hurt.
How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs?
So here is a crazy fact that I have learned:
It’s easier to let go of your limiting beliefs than it is to hold on to them.
It’s crazy because we work so hard to hold on to our beliefs. They are often so foundational that we can’t even see them. But once we are able to see them and then release them, it is amazing how things shift and life gets easier. Often is a variety of ways that we weren’t expecting. Life feels brighter and less of a burden.
Identify the belief
Beliefs can also be identified by reviewing a list of limiting beliefs. I was asked in a meditation to repeat “I am enough” and when I did that, I got very emotional. A clear clue that I had bumped up against a limiting belief. So here is my list of 100 limiting beliefs for you to review. If possible, read this list out loud and see if any of them strike an emotional chord with you.
Replace the belief
The next step is to replace the belief. Think about why this might have been true in the past but is not currently true for you. Finding a replacement belief and stating it to yourself whenever the voice in your head brings up the original belief. Here is an example
“I am so stupid” can be replaced with “everyone makes mistakes. It is not that big of a deal and I am not going to beat myself up over it”
Or ” I will never get that promotion” with “If I work diligently, then an opportunity will come to me. If not with this company, then with another company!”
Anchor the new belief
The third step is to anchor the new belief. One of my favorite ways is to use affirmations to the point of it being a mantra. An affirmation can be a mantra when you say it to yourself over and over every day. For example “I am a strong and capable woman” covers a multitude of limiting beliefs. If you tie saying this affirmation with an activity that happens several times a day such as going to the restroom, it can be very effective. After 30 days of this, your life will certainly be different!
Keep working
Step four in the process is to dig deeper. I have found that my subconscious mind will give me one belief to work on but keep several more hidden away. Going back through the process will bring up a different response or a different aspect that can then be understood and changed.
So, in closing, I would just like to caution you to be kind to yourself. These beliefs have been with you for a long time and changing them will be a process. Being hard on yourself will just make the process that much more difficult. Be a kind and understanding friend to yourself as you explore your beliefs and try to integrate new ones into your life.
